Tabula Rasa von Kroko ================================================================================ Kapitel 1: Now It Is My Turn ---------------------------- As he came back to his senses, Daniel could barely see. The room was still dimly lit by a handful of torches that hadn’t burned down yet. In the half-dark, every shadow was cut into the walls as if with a sharp knife. The flickering of the red light lingered on the floor, and through the haze of darkness over his eyes, it seemed as if it moved and shifted, almost like… With a gasp, he jolted up to look around himself. He was familiar with the tide of fear building up inside of him, threatening to overcome him and crush him as it had done so many times already. Trying to keep his breaths long and even, he rubbed his eyes to clear his vision. But there was no flesh-like tissue covering the walls as he had expected. Still he anticipated the ghastly howl that had pursued him even in his dreams. Yet as he stood completely still and concentrated on his hearing, he couldn’t detect the faintest noise except for the quiet crackling of fire. As he looked up at the altar, he noticed that the orb, too, was nowhere to be found. He almost did not dare believe it. Was the Shadow really…gone…? But that was impossible, he still recalled it so clearly! This very room had been completely consumed by the horrors, he remembered the creature engulfing him, the light of the orb exploding beneath his hands, and his own screams. Screams for… Alexander! He turned his head so quickly he got dizzy, looking around for the other man. No trace of him, even though Daniel knew for sure he had been with him when he had lost his consciousness, firmly grasping Daniel’s wrists. When he tried to get up, he realized he should have waited a few more minutes, as his knees gave in immediately. He was not sure whether it was out of relief or exhaustion though. Where could Alexander have gone? Surely he would not just leave Daniel lying here? He had so many questions! What had happened? Had they managed to ban the Shadow? Was he finally free? Had Alexander saved him? When first his anger had boiled up at Alexander’s absence, as he closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, he felt an unusual warmth grow instead inside of him. It took him a moment to realize that it was overwhelming gratitude. All at once, tears streamed down his face and he could not keep himself from calling for Alexander, his voice a hoarse croaking. When no answer followed and Daniel still could not get up, he looked around the room once more, wiping the incessant flow of tears from his cheeks. But the smile that had started spreading on his chapped lips froze quickly. An ice-cold thought had crossed his mind. What if the Shadow had consumed Alexander? Daniel remembered his words, that the Shadow could be lead astray by the blood of another… Alexander wouldn’t have sacrificed himself to save him, Daniel… would he? Panic rising within him again, he called for Alexander once more, louder this time. Still, no answer. But wait, wasn’t there a noise…? Something like a weak whimper… Daniel scrambled to his feet, a sudden headache almost making him keel over again. A hand pressed against his forehead, he forced himself to keep standing and look around the room. He propped himself up on the altar while carefully walking around it. He had no idea what he was most afraid to see. Images of maimed and torn bodies sprang to his mind, so vivid he could almost smell the disgusting stench of their ripped intestines. It took him all his willpower to look down on the ground behind the stone. What lay there were clothes, Alexander’s clothes it seemed. His red jacket was all bunched up, and now that Daniel moved closer he saw, and he had to muffle another scream with one hand, that it moved! Carefully, he got down on one knee to take hold of one sleeve and, trying to ready himself for the worst, he hesitantly pulled it away. What came to light was the last thing he had expected. There on the stone floor, nestled into Alexander’s clothes, was a baby. As Daniel stretched out a hand to touch its little arm, to assure himself that this was real, he noticed that the poor thing was freezing. Instinctively, he raised it off the ground, properly wrapped it into the jacket and held it in his arms. The baby stopped its whining and became quiet immediately. ”Where did you come from…?”, Daniel asked absent-mindedly. A small child was so very ordinary opposed to these otherworldly horrors and in its helplessness so entirely non-threatening that he could hardly take much notice of it now, his mind preoccupied with more unsettling questions. The infant sniffed a few times and then opened its eyes to look up at Daniel. It nearly took his breath away. Bright amber eyes stared directly at him, eerily conscious, as they had done so many times before. Daniel was glad he didn’t drop the child out of sheer shock. He went to the walls, towards one of the torches, to let it light the baby’s face. Never had he seen someone else with such an uncommon eye colour in his life. But could it be…? He knew the orb possessed great powers over what was probably nothing else but time and space. And maybe, in a way, it could rob people of their lives in different ways than he had imagined. ”Alexander”, he whispered, and the baby in his arms contently snuggled up against him. - It had been early when he hurriedly left Brennenburg. He was still weakened and tired, but he could not have stayed a single second longer in this place. As he pushed the grand front gates open, the sunlight was warm and blindingly bright. He raised one hand to shield his eyes, and through his fingers he saw the whole glistening beauty of the forest on a late summer morning. Were these the same woods that had left him with such a dark and gloomy impression at his arrival? The smell of moist earth, the concerto of singing birds and trees swaying in the breeze, the warmth, the clarity of the air, he took it all in with the wonder of someone who had never experienced anything like it. With his hastily packed bag over his shoulder and the baby in his arms, it was difficult to progress, especially because his body was exhausted from the experiences of the last few weeks. Yet he felt a weird lightness to his steps. Maybe it was the relief, the weight of constant fear lifted from his shoulders. Even though he had taken more and more breaks, he arrived at the gates of Altstadt before dusk. The merchants he passed on the town square were about to close up their stalls. One of them noticed his condition and lead him to the inn. Daniel thanked the man before he looked up at the sign and a resigned laugh escaped him. Of course. Die Mühle. It seemed ages ago. The innkeeper did not recognize him immediately. It was when Daniel started talking, that his eyes went wide and he gestured at him excitedly. “Wir dachten schon, wir würden Sie nie wieder sehen!”, the man greeted him with his broad Pomeranian dialect that made it hard for Daniel to understand him. He remembered how fearful they had all been at his announcement to go to Brennenburg about two weeks ago. They had talked about superstitions, about monstrosities wandering the forests at night, about the castle being the Devil’s lair. That would have explained the way they treated him now, as if he had clawed his way out of the deepest depths of Hell. That certainly resonated with how he felt. “Kann mich nicht daran erinnern, dass Sie ein Kind dabei hatten”, said the innkeeper. Daniel would have expected him to get suspicious about he child, but instead, the man seemed confused. After a short moment of silence, the innkeeper inquired as to where the child had come from. Daniel mumbled something about having rescued it somewhere, and the man nodded with a compassionate glance at the little bundle in Daniel’s arms. “Guter Mann.” Daniel made a half-hearted sound of agreement, thankful that the man did not probe him any further. He would have to come up with a better excuse, and soon, Daniel thought. People wouldn’t be this gullible in London. Apart from that, he did not get asked too many questions. It seemed as if his host had told his own version of what this strange Englishman had gone through and accomplished to the whole rest of the town. The locals were astonishingly supportive, especially the innkeeper who treated him with a mixture of admiration, fear and sympathy. Daniel realized he really must look like someone who had gone through nightmarish terrors. The innkeeper’s wife helped him out with fresh cloth and a bottle to feed the child, while prattling on and on in this hard to understand dialect as she doted over the baby like only a mother could. He had expected people to be more wary towards him, but then again, maybe it was normal for a man to travel with an infant. He wouldn’t have known after all. He hadn’t carried a baby in his arms since… Fortunately, he had not quite forgotten his way around a nursing bottle, which as he realized was not exactly befitting for a grown man like him. But it could not be helped. He remembered how to mingle water and bread into pap - what he had not done before though was boiling out the bottle. Alexander had taught him about the importance of sterility, and even though the concept still was a bit strange to him, he did not want to take chances. The changing of nappies became an inevitable necessity as well. He knew he was not doing all too good, but the innkeeper’s wife taught him how to properly swaddle the baby with an indulgent smile. He spent his time writing letters, arranging his return to England, and musing over the little being that grasped for his collar and hair with a gurgling laugh. The baby seemed to be healthy, which gave him comfort. It was the first day after his arrival in Altstadt which allowed him some leisure that he sat down by the bed on which the baby scrambled about until it rolled over and stared at him with surprise. It opened its mouth with a plopping noise. Then it laughed, with both hands holding onto one of its feet. Daniel settled down on the floor, folded his arms on the mattress and rested his head on it. He still found it hard to believe that this should be Alexander, the sublime, tall man who had taken Daniel under his wing. On the other hand, even he himself had been this small once, no matter how hard that was for him to imagine. Nevertheless, this was all so surreal to him. That a grown man should be reduced to a child, incapable of speaking, not even able to walk! But he had accepted the invasion of the supernatural in his life long before. Beyond all that, he was far from challenging the proceeding of things. To see Alexander turned into a frail but very alive baby certainly was better than having to behold his shredded remains. He shuddered. The infant, now very close to his head as Daniel noticed, winced at that. It sat down on its behind, facing Daniel, and reached for his hair to weakly pull at a strand. Daniel smiled and tugged the strand out of the baby’s minute hand. “You probably don’t remember me”, he said, knowing that his little opponent would not understand him. But he needed someone to talk to right now. The baby’s eyes shot up to meet his, to look at him again in this eerily aware way. Maybe it does understand, Daniel thought, even if not completely. “I am Daniel”, he said. The infant gave a sudden, funny and decidedly delighted “aah” sound and flapped its arms. Daniel laughed. The baby laughed in response. “You like my voice, eh?”, Daniel asked. Then he let out a deep sigh. “I am still trying to puzzle together what has happened. I wish you could tell me.” But the baby only clumsily fell to its side where it kept lying, eyes still fixed on Daniel. Thoughtfully, he regarded it for a moment. He could not remember Alexander’s skin being this dark against his own. On the other hand, Daniel had barely seen the man lighted by anything other than torches and the dim daylight that somehow managed to find its way into Brennenburg. And the eyes, these yellow, knowing eyes… those definitely belonged to the Baron. He could feel his tears welling up again. Alive or not, Alexander had still sacrificed himself. Willingly or unknowingly, Daniel did not know. At any rate, he would not dare to doubt the man who had released him from his deadly curse. “I will care for you, do you hear?” Daniel noticed his voice wavered, but he did not pay heed. “I will let no harm come to you. You have saved me, now it is my turn.” The baby, however, appeared to have fallen asleep. The days were quiet and bright, the still hot August sun heating up the cobbled streets. Had he not been able to find sleep a week ago, Daniel now would doze off by the window of his room regularly, until the child in his lap demanded his attention. He had decided to postpone all pondering over whatever it was that he was doing there to after he was back home. His mind was blank and he finally had all the time he needed to relax, yet he still woke in the middle of the night, sweat covering his brow and memories of blood sticking to his mind. In these nights, he reached for a flask of laudanum, but he had to restrain himself from taking more than a few sips, though that was hardly enough to bring much ease. He had gathered what he could as he had left Brennenburg, yet it was not much and he feared he would run out of it too soon. The only thing that could soothe him in times like these was the sound of faint breathing and a tiny hand holding onto his fingers. - It had been days since his return to England, and he still did not dare to get back in touch with the director. To his own shame he sometimes did not manage to get out of bed until late in the day. When he eventually ventured out, he felt disoriented in the busy city, even though he knew the streets as he’d always known them. At the oddest times a sense of alarm would overcome him as if his body had not yet realized that the murderous thing was off his trail. The museum could wait, he decided. First, he had to figure out this new… situation. Preparations had to be made. First and foremost, a cradle had to be purchased. During the first days back in London, Daniel had considered giving the child in the care of a wet nurse, yet he felt highly uncomfortable with the thought of putting the infant into the hands of a stranger. He was well aware that the baby’s appearance with his golden eyes and darker skin would seem strange to others and he was not sure how to answer the questions that might arise. First, he would have to think of a sufficient and believable explanation as to where the child had come from and why he had decided to care of it as if it was his own. But more than anything, he simply could not make himself part from the child, he could not even leave its side for too long. He was worried for the helpless little thing, transformed by a dark power Daniel himself did not even begin understand. Who knew what other strange things might still occur? Somehow he could not quite lure himself into feeling safe again, and he was anxious and determined to let nothing happen to his little fosterling to whom he owed everything. After all, as unusual as it seemed, was it not only right of Daniel to take these matters into his own hands? They were both bound together by their dark secret, even if the baby had to be blissfully oblivious of it, and Daniel had a life-debt to repay. Leaving Alexander’s fate in any hands but his own was not acceptable. Also the child was not the only one he was so anxious for, though he did not openly admit this to himself. The task he had burdened himself with gave him purpose and he was loath to part with the comfort of the child’s presence. So he decided to raise the young boy on his own for now and keep it a secret as long as he could. To his relief, the baby seemed to be fine as long as Daniel kept him fed, warm and clean, and content with his company. Yet there was always doubt nagging, the worry that Daniel might not be able to care for him properly. After all, Daniel was neither his mother, nor did he have the nurturing instincts of a woman. Oversight would be a horrible mistake, and Daniel was afraid there was something he did not know about, something he would inevitably miss. The boy was rather quiet and did not cry most of the day, except when strongly neglected, which Daniel hoped to be a good sign. Yet he still was very clueless what to do when the problem was not apparent, and he would helplessly sit by the cradle, exasperatedly trying to figure out why on earth the child was crying so persistently. Then, following a sudden intuition, he picked the baby up and started to tell a story, some remnants of a book he had read out once, in a soothing voice, and after a while, the crying faded into a soft hiccupping. Daniel’s nights were still restless, but now the screams that woke him were not his own. To ensure he would be woken by the cries, Daniel did not dare to take as much laudanum as he had become used to, yet as he spent a lot of his nights awake, it made little difference. Sitting by the cradle in the light of the flickering lamp, he even thought it relief from his nightmares. Sometimes the crying was so full of anguish, he couldn’t help but wonder if the child was plagued by similar horrors. So Daniel would always leave a lamp lit by his bedside, making sure that Alexander would not wake up to a dark room, and Daniel stayed by his side and read him stories to soothe him back to sleep. At first, he was reluctant to use this name, Alexander. It seemed odd, the meaning it bore too vast for this fragile little infant. Yet as he considered other names, it felt wrong. After Alexander had lost so much to save him, how could Daniel take this from him, this last remnant of his old self? Alexander he would remain, and even though in Daniel’s mind, the name was still laced with reverence and admiration, he found himself soon uttering it fondly when the child’s bright eyes looked up to him, awake and curious, and tiny hands reached for everything they could grab. “Alexander, let go”, Daniel chided the boy softly as he tried to prevent him from pulling at strands of his hair, and he couldn’t help but smile as the child got hold of his finger instead with a sound of gleeful triumph. The presence of Alexander alone was enough to soothe him, to distract him from his own fears. Daniel had felt like treading water for months, and finally there was ground beneath his feet. This fragile child that had once been his friend and saviour was like his grappling hook to reality. Whenever he felt like he was pulled under by that whirling maelstrom of dread and panic, one look at Alexander was enough to hold him, to stop the world from spinning. He was still afraid and overwhelmed, but there was this tiny beacon that showed him the way and reminded him that the nightmare was over. And for the first time in what seemed like ages, Daniel felt like things could be right again. Hosted by Animexx e.V. (http://www.animexx.de)